Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Muhammad Haula - Part 1



In Hyderabad we have our own little Johnny. His name is Muhammad Haula. ('Haula' means 'stupid')

His father is ambitious to educate Haula. Haula goes to school located in Tappachaputra. Its principal is educated in Urdu high school and claims that he passed tenth class! There is a school inspection the next day and the conversation is as follows :

Teacher: Kal inispector ayinga. Kochchanaa (questions) puchinga. Sab achchaa padkey aau. Koi galath answer deengaa naa tho main uske pairaan thodtoom.

Haula: Iski maakki. Kyun aara inispector? Kaam nai hai usku? Kya kochchanaa puchta kathey?

Teacher: Abey tereku kaiku re, tu kal school aanaaich nai. Tu tera moo khola to gaaliaan ati. Tereku main absent nai daalthaum. Ghar pe baithkey gotiyaan khel. Tu school aayingaa to inispector ke saamney mere izzat ki biryaani karke khaaingaa tu.

So our Haula is excited, goes home and tells his father that he is not going to school the next day.

Father: Yeah kyaa hai..ischool hai paan ka dabba hai? Gaand pa maartoom saale tu ischool nai gaya to.

Haula: Arey Bava, mera teacher bola nakko aao bolke.
Father: Usku akhal hai! Begum suno! Haula ischool nai jayinga kathey kal. Agar ino ischool nai gaya to kaise padhinga?Haula, agar tu kal ischool nahin gaya naa, tere haathan pairaan thod daaltaum.

So Haula cries and finally agrees to go to school. Next day at inschool, Teacher is very upset to see Haula back:

Teacher: Arey teri maakki. Nakko aao bole to bhi kyun aaya re?

Haula: Mera bava gaand phodtum bola ischool nai gaya to.

Teacher: offo?! Tera bava bola? Theek hai chal. Last bench pe baith aur inispector aya to chchup jaa. Dikhnaich nai. Kuch bhi gadbad karinga naa meri noukri bulle mein mil jayingi.

So Haula goes to sit in the last bench hiding behind a tall guy. Inspector comes for the visit.

Inspector: Adaab.

Teacher: Adaab saab. Bachen acha padrain saab Kochchanaa puchey to answeraan yun bolte.

Inspector: Abaa? Offo! Itte kilever (clever) hai aapke bachchey? Achchaa, ek bahuth easy sawaal - Hamarey body mein sab se nazook cheez kaun si hai?

Teacher: Arey Imtiyaz tu bata rey!

Imtiyaz: Saab, Khaleja saab.

Inspector: Aisa! ..... woh kyun?

Imtiyaz: Saab, khaleja hai to sab kuch hota. Agar woh gaya naa, kuch bhi nahin hota saab.

Inspector: Abaa, kya tez potta hai rey! Aur koi?

Teacher: Arey Akram, tu bata re.

Akram: Saab bheja saab. Bhejey ku khuch bhi hua to kuch yaad nahin rehta saab. Haathaan pairaan kaam nai karthey,iscooter ku kick bhi nai maar sakthey saab.

Inspector: Abey Teacher, kya kya padaaraa re inku tu. Chutiye ke jaisa answeraan bolrai naa!!

In the meantime Haula is trying very hard to hide but Inspector sees him. He thinks Haula is hiding because he does not know the answer.

Inspector: Woh last bench pe yun jhuk ke baithaa naa woh pottey ka naam kya hai?

Teacher: kaun saab? .......Woh! (iski bhain ku, kaiku dikhaa re tu) Woh Haula hai saab.

Inspector: Haula? Ye kya naam hai? Kahan-kahan se lagaathey re bhai naamaan! Haula, woh lambu ke peechchey kaiku chchup raa tu?

Haula: Saab main moo khola to teacher maaringi saab.

Inspector: Tereku yaa mereku??

Teacher: Arey kya baath kar reh saab, main kaiku maarthaum. Ye potta ekdam badmaash hai saab, jhoot bolraa. Abey Haula, answer maloom hain to bol nai tho khaamoosh baith jaa mere baap tere pau padthaum.

Haula: Saab answer Gaand hai saab.

Teacher: Allaa!! Ine moo khola meri naukri bulle lag gayi re!!!

Inspector: Abey kyaa to bhi bolra re! Sharam kar badon ke saamney aisaich baathaan karthey! Yeich sikhaaye tumhaarey amma-bavaa? Gaand kahaan kaan ka answer hai re?

Haula: Hau saab, gaand ich sabse naazook cheez hai. Kaiku bole tho wahaan pe dilli mein baamb phata....Yahan Hydrabad mein apni gaand phat thi.. Yahaan old city mein gadbadaan shuru hothey....wahaan new city mein sabki gaand phat thi gadbadaan wahaan phailtey kyaaki bolkey. Udhar kyoon saab, main yeh answer bolraun naa, mere teacher ki gaand phatrai dekho!



1 comment:

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